monday, 01.01.24
happy new year! does anyone have new years resolutions?
i want to make a full return to streaming, and hang out with friends more often. i would also love to get back into playing rpgmaker games, so i can fill up my screenshot page.
my friend bought me tiny tina's wonderlands for christmas. i've never played a shooter before, so i'm struggling a little, but i'm still having fun!
my main character is a graveborn-spellshot (deadshot), so he's primarily a spellcaster who also prioritizes using a gun. he's also a catboy and his name is nyathaniel. i love him.
i think my favorite gift i got for christmas is the vintage angel music box my mom got me in tennessee.
also, isn't this part of my room just so darling? it's my favorite corner. i'm also in love with the colourpop palette my friend bought me, and the bracelet and earrings another friend got for me.
i don't have much to update on. thank you for choosing to hang out on my humble website. i hope to learn more code this year, as well.
i'll see you guys again!
love, eve♡marie.
saturday, 11.19.23
i forgot to update! i really need to be more proactive about writing here... i went to awa! mala wasn't able to come but i'm still hoping i get to meet her soon!
i had a lot of fun, but it was really overwhelming. angel was really sweet to me though so i was more reassured having a friend with me!
i got loooots of diluc merch, and i even was able to finally make an ita bag! it's kind of embareassing brining it out with me, though.
i also got new clothes again! i think i have a bit of a retail therapy problem, but it's ok bc i'm cute teehee.
i'm back to wearing white x pink! currently, my favorite type of pink is the dusty, kind of beige-ish pink. i understand a lot of people wish there were more pastels again, and i'm also tired of brands advertising their grey items as pink or blue... it's a sad world for girly wearers.
here are my new clothes!
i think they suit me well, and i feel very pretty in them! i love lace and ruffles so much... and i feel a lot more confident and happy in this lighter colorway!
the girly page has been updated accordingly. a few items are still missing, but i'm a little lazy right now... sorry.
that being said, i did update my site's layout with self-made assets! this is my new persona, marie. i made her specifically for this website!
she's a cute lovesick bunny having a nice time on her puter. she's based off of me in real life, so she's also a yumejoshi!
i was considering creating an oc that's a fictional character in her world, but i might have to get around to that later... i'm drawing her with diluc-related items still!
let's see... i've been watching friends stream video games for me. one is streaming elden ring, and the other is streaming ff12! both have been really fun so far.
i also will be streaming genshin from the beginning to my friend krish. i'm excited! i don't know if i'll get the account geared up enough for inazuma onwards, but we can watch cutscenes together if i can't. i'm still working on my main for that, after all. i'm thinking i can switch accounts when i get caught up on the story, but we'll have to see!
other than that, i have nothing else to report! thank you for reading.
love, eve♡marie.
friday, 10.20.23
good morning, i've been busy updating my site layout to something a bit more compact, and something that fits the current theme a little more.
i'm also watching idol anime with my friend today... really excited!
i don't have too many updates. i got my first mizuiro dress recently, i put that on my girly kei page!
it really reminds me of my self-insert's alt outfit... i'm so happy i bought it ;__;
i'll be going to AWA this year! my friend mala and i are wearing lolita together and i'm meeting up with other friends too!
i've never been to a big convention before, so i'm a little nervous, but having friends with me should help a lot.
(i hope to find lots of diluc merch.... please.......)
we've been watching movies in a server i'm in, we watched paprika recently and it's leaving an impact on me.
i love forms of media that heavily focus on dreams, so it was a fun watch for me. a little weird, but that's to be expected from satoshi kon LOL.
other than that, there's nothing really going on with me. classic NEET life...
i'll try to update after my con!
love, eve♡marie.
saturday, 08.05.23
i bought dream bag a few days ago! i'm waiting for it to arrive now, hopefully i'll be able to update the photodump with pictures of it around the 15th!
it's this one from dearmylove!
it's sooo cute, and i'm so excited to finally have it! it'll go perfect with my signature coord!
other than that, i've been doing kind of okay lately. been super tired during the day, my sleep's been awful.
but it's ok! i'm excited for the weather to start cooling down next month, it's much too hot... especially when you only weear long sleeves.
also, i'm going to my 4 year old cousin's birthday party today, i'm a little excited! ^___^
i hope you guys have a wonderful day. i'll see you later!
love, eve♡marie.
monday, 07.24.23
good morning, dear reader. i woke up fairly sleepy today.
i've been having disturbances in my identity again.
my paranoia is easinng now that i'm on a stronger dose of my medications, but i'm still dissociating frequently again.
i don't remember most things. i have to keep notes on my phone, but when i go back and read messages and notes i leave, it doesn't sound like me.
it's not entirely distressing, just frustrating. i wish i knew who i am, but i'm always uncertain lately.
either way, i hope your monday is going well. until next time...
love, eve♡marie.
saturday, 07.22.23
long time no diary entry. since my last entry, i quit using the label of "vtuber" to refer to my persona and streaming activities.
while the way i present myself hasn't changed, a lot of things made me grow disillusioned with the label for myself.
that being said, i do dearly love my friends and acquaintances i met via the vtuber community.
i also got a new site layout! it's simple, but feels very "me." i love the windows aesthetic a lot.
mimi being the face of this website is just a placeholder, for now!
i aim to commission art of my other sona, edith, to use as the mascot for my neocities in the future.
i also got new clothes! i will be updating my photodump soon, please keep an eye out. ^__^
it's getting closer and closer to the 1 year anniversary of the new "me." i started dressing in girly kei in october!
i feel like i've finally, truly, found a style that suits me. one day i'm hoping to venture outside of my current go-to brand, but for now i'm comfortable here.
it's been so exciting, exploring a new style, while exploring myself in the process. just last year, i was solely wearing pink/white! whereas now, i'm most comfortable in pink/black and black/white!
i'm hoping to try gothic lolita eventually, too.
i think, the best thing about this is meeting more people into jfashion. i felt kind of shy among jfashion wearers, but i have a group of friends that make me feel really welcome!
i've learned a lot of new things about lolita, and other styles too along the way! it makes me so happy.
maybe soon i'll finally stop being lazy and try gaining access to taobao... lol..........
hmm... lately, i've been thinking a lot about the future.
it's hard to feel like i have one ahead of me, sometimes, with everything i've been through, and with my lack of proper schooling.
but little by little, i'm starting to feel like hope isn't lost. and it's odd, too. i thought surely, i'd be gone by 18.
then 20. but now i'm 22, and i'm looking at myself and my life and feeling like i've finally had enough of this dreadful, hopeless feeling.
like i want to just grab it and rip it out of me. i have to yell at myself that hope isn't lost, not yet. and maybe not ever, though i wish it weren't a "maybe."
i'm working on that one.
i'm trying to find joy in art again, trying to find joy in even little things. like when food tastes if only a tad bit better than usual.
like the way my cat looks when he's silently begging for my attention, or how he rubs up against my hand when i've stopped petting him, or reaches out to grab me when i try and walk away.
and i cling to my writing like a lifeline, though i think it's silly, it helps.
this diary entry has gotten too emotional, maybe. forgive me for rambling.
i'm getting better, though. slowly, surely, getting better - looking for the light in the dark.
i slip up, still, we all do. but i'm happy, for once. and proud of myself for once. and i think we should all be proud of ourselves.
thank you for reading.
love, eve♡marie
wednesday, 03.29.23
my friend and i finished one ending in the remake of forest of drizzling rain! the new game is beautiful, and i included some screenshots on my rpg maker exploration page.
one thing to note, the events that take place in the game are just as horrifically cruel as they were in the original, and the remake gives even more context as to what really happened. i would suggest to stay away from it if stories revolving around sexual assault and the like trigger you.
despite this, i like how makoto sanada treats it, and i think they do a good job with making sure you know that you're supposed to be sympathizing with the woman.
i'm excited to play the rest of the endings, too. due to the nature of the game, i steered away from adding screenshots of the horror scenes, by the way. i felt it would be in poor taste, so i stuck to posting pretty scenery :)
playing a makoto sanada game really makes me want to play angels of death again, haha... that's something to consider for later.
thank you for reading... until next time :)
love, eve♡marie
friday, 03.24.23
siiiiiiiigh. destroyed my sleep schedule even when i had the perfect chance to fix it again.i hate that it's always like this, i guess i'm just nocturnal by nature, or something.
i don't really know what to do about it, i stay up for 12-24 hours at a time and then crash for 12+ hours, rinse and repeat. it's unhealthy, i know. my doctor thinks my sleep pattern is thrown off by my thyroid and anemia.
and maybe it's the sleep deprivation, but my dissoaciation's worsening too. it's bothersome, especially with so many small switches that my personality has become utterly jumbled and it's hard to tell myself from myself, and so on. i just wish it were easier. this level of fragmentation is the worst, i think. even though technically it's not even "that much." haha...
diary is getting real menhera right now, huh? oopsie. in other news, my sibling and i are watch a playthrough of security breach :) it's been fun!
i'm going to try to sleep in the evening, hopefully i can keep my schedule adjusted after this -_____-
love, eve♡marie
wednesday, 03.22.23
finally launched my site tonight! i've been meaning to work on it for a while, but it was so intimidating because i only know small tidbits of html from editing tumblr themes. it was a bit frustrating at times, but otherwise so much fun!
ty to citrus for the landing side animation code <3 ^_^
also! i'm doing really well on my new medication cocktail, i've been feeling much more normal and productive these days - it's been nice.
i also applied to a vtuber agency last night, fingers crossed on good news for that! they let you keep your established identity, which is really neat!
other than that... i don't have much else to report! i'll take to writing a diary entry when anything interesting happens to me, or i have general life updates.
thank you for reading!
